"Here's what I find about compromise: don't do it if it hurts inside."

Last night after creeping on a former 'her,' I was filled with this overwhelming need to rant about the state of relationships and how I feel about being with other humans. I texted my friend. These are my parts of the conversation:

"See. ________'s status. Proof I will be alone forever and like it. People are ridiculous. The things they put up with. I don't think I will ever be understood or agree with most things others do. I will stand alone. And I get closer and closer to that everyday.... Maybe it is just that old thing where everyone lies or compromises things I just won't. I think the sacrifice has to be me being alone. Everything has a cost. I am not sad or anything just wondering what it will mean for my life.... I just honestly don't see it anymore. The someone. You know how sometimes I just know things? [I] have ever since I was little. And having a her was just something I saw. But it is gone. I don't believe any of it anymore. It isn't what I want. If the rest of the world is an example. No bueno. End rant haha."

I mean all of it, wholeheartedly. I am not sad or looking. In fact, I long to be alone. I am happier this way. Other people let you down and disappoint. I almost never let myself down or disappoint myself. I keep finding and trying to connect with girl after girl and nothing is different. Maybe it is me, maybe them, maybe both. But, either way it isn't worth it.

I may live alone with a cat, but you know what? I will do it without compromising things that I believe should be in a relationship. I think there are basic things all humans need for happiness and love to work.

Maybe I am right, maybe I am wrong. Maybe the truth is different for everyone. Maybe I stand alone on all my views of life, love, and happiness. But, that is really okay. Alone is right where I need to be. At least for awhile.

Ideas are always better than any reality. So, I will stick with my ideals of what life can be because what I dream of is far better than any reality with another person I have had. Maybe that will change, but I won't hold my breath.

As Augusten Burroughs said in A Wolf at the Table, "Where there is nothing, absolutely anything is possible."