My grandmother is a viper. She implies every time I go over there that I am lazy and will likely do very little. They are miserable and old and make no attempt to know me or find out about what I do. She knows nothing of who I am or how hard I work. I just need to remember that and do my thing.
Then, I finally contacted the girl. This big moment for me, seemingly not a big one for her. Her message was long and in-depth...and completely not about us at all. She went on and on about me leading her in the direction of something she didn't want. Was there a gun to her head? No, I do not like the other person. Yes, I do think she can do better. HOWEVER, I sat there on my bed at school and made a point to flat out say, "do what you want." And, she told me over and over how sad she was and how this person hurt her constantly. I told her not to blame me for whatever she did because ultimately it wasn't my choice. I had an opinion based on the information given to me. Her figuring out what she wanted and going after it was the whole point, so I guess on that level I didn't fail completely (nor did she). She did seem awfully sure of herself. Finally.
Either way, it does not appear she wants me like I want her, so I guess it is done.
I would say something smart, heartfelt and wish her well but I am doped up on Vicodin because of my impacted wisdom tooth. Things are a little blurry.. But, oddly. Whenever in physical pain, it makes me realize how much the other stuff doesn't matter. Today, I went to the park with Lex and Lana and we played in a creek and looked for rocks.
They were so happy and that right there is a true relationship. I may not have friends or a girlfriend, but I have this family and maybe that is all I need. I'm over looking for something else. My fantasies are better anyway.
For real.
...three Tylenol, all my crazy meds, and this Vicodin are wigging me out. Over and out.
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