Cleaning out my Facebook friends it occurs to me that I wish sometimes I could put everyone I have ever met in a room and just go down a list of things I want to clear up. What was really said, who said what, how I really felt after the dust cleared, or what they really meant.
It perplexes me that everything and anything that I said or someone has said to me could be skewed. A giant game of Telephone, sometimes people get it right and sometimes they are way off. I'm sure I've made people look bad and I'm sure other people aren't too fond of things they've heard about me.
They'll win, you see. I will think about it obsessively. Feel whatever I might about it times ten. That is the trouble with Facebook. I will go to places I shouldn't and give in to bad cognitive behavioral patterns. And why? For that rush of emotion, that drug called mental illness.
So, I should just let it go.
Those people, whoever they may be, shouldn't matter. I can't stop caring or giving in and creeping. The only option then is to remove them.
Out of sight, out of mind.
But, still I'll wonder. What would they say if they could sit me in that room? What is their truth? Would they even be honest anyway? How can you tell? I try and be as honest as possible, try to live up to my words as much as anyone can. But, I'll always fail. Even if I stayed true to everything, all of the time (which who does?). It is all subjective. Everything.
Human beings and a little thing called communication stress me out.
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