The topic? Honesty.

Listen up. Here's the thing. I live in a basement, I know. I have basically come to the conclusion that I cannot, in fact, function in the world as of this moment. Believe me, I really do know how mentally ill I am. So don't get all riled up here.

But you want to know one of the prime reasons for my need to hide from the world? Dishonesty.

People all around go through life telling lies. Lies about who they are, what they want, who they love. They lie about why they do things or tell people what they want to hear about anything and everything, ranging from little to big.

And, I mean, I get it. Some lies protect. They protect people from unnecessary pain or embarrassment. Sometimes people lie about things because they just aren't important enough to make a fuss about. Lies make life easier in a lot of ways.

To me though, even a little harmless lie is unacceptable. The truth may sting for a little, but, to me, living in fuzzy puppy land hurts worse in the long run.

Tell me if I look fat. Sometimes I just do. Tell me when you like something I've done no matter how small. The truth can be about the good or the bad. Tell me when I'm doing something that isn't good for me. I will take your opinion under advisement and then ultimately do what I want anyway. That's just human nature. But, at least in that scenario you did everything you could to lessen my pain or try and stop my bad choices. Even if we didn't agree, honesty to me will always win you more respect and show me that even though it was awkward or painful in the moment you did it or said it because you truly cared.

I am constantly torn up about people and this whole honesty thing. I truly wonder if lying is just a part of dealing with other humans and that because I can't seem to lie about certain things I will never have long, 'healthy' relationships. I live my life by saying things that are just true. To me. At that time... I mean, my opinion isn't gospel by any means (I am severely mentally ill after all.) but when I say it, you know I mean it. I do this not to be a bitch, but because I legitimately care about other people and their decisions. I invest. When you are in my life, you are in it. All the way. Good and definitely bad.

I get myself in trouble though. I tell people I won't tell their truths. People tell me things and lately I have been dragged into secrecy. I hate it and resent the hell out of it (though, let's get real, I bring it on myself by allowing people to tell me things). In those few moments I interact with people anymore, I hate having things I can't say. I can't stand people keeping things in or just flat out lying so why have I sworn to enable those things?

I am not a good secret keeper anymore because, well, I just don't believe anything is that epic that it can't be shared. I am honest because some things are just not important. And I get people value certain things differently, so if it is that important to you and I care about you enough this will all be a non-issue...

Don't get me wrong here. I really do understand why some things aren't shared, why they are kept hidden. I have one, maybe two, big things like that just because the situation or telling the people involved would lead to more harm than good for several people I care about. But, that's the thing. I wouldn't tell just anyone those things. My rule: never say anything you couldn't say to someones face.

And to add to that rule now: Don't tell me anything that you wouldn't want repeated.

I will not spill secrets for the sake of peaking someones interest about something or hurting people. BUT, if I am flat out asked a question, I will answer honestly or with a "That is not my story to tell" type of response.

People talk. Especially woman (stereotypes are true sometimes, deal with it). It is a part of our interactions. We vent, we rant. It is why more people aren't shooting things up. It is necessary.

So, stop telling people things you don't want others to know. Tell your friends what they really mean to you. Talk to them about decisions and things they are doing. Interject your opinion unless you are specifically or repeatedly asked not to (hell, maybe you really should then) . Doing so has gotten a bad rep, but I truly believe sharing your opinion creates a lot less resentment and problems in the long run.

I know we as humans prefer the easier way, the way in which we can lie to ourselves and others because the truth is a lot. I will be the first to tell you it is a lot of work. Being truthful sometimes means sacrificing. It is hard and constant but I really do believe that with the exception of cases where it hurts more people than helps you should try it.

I have just found myself recently biting my tongue about things and trying to live in the lie and maybe if I hadn't things could be better for myself and others. Whether it actually would have been better or not I can't tell you, but I hate not knowing. Because not knowing, uncertainty, that to me is worse any day or any way you spin it.

I'll paraphrase that cliched saying: When you're dying, you don't look back and regret the things you did, you look back and regret the things you didn't do.

Sometimes with some things you just need to be lied to for a time, I get that. But overall, speak your truth. Listen up in those rare moments other people are being honest. That's all I'm saying, people.

Maybe I'm way off.  Again, it's just my truth and, let's get real, I do live in a basement so how much could I really know? How far as honesty really gotten me?

I guess I'll leave you with a shrug and the hope that maybe someone, somewhere, will tell someone they care about something sincerely truthful today. For better or worse. Here's to honest communication and healthy relationships. Do what you can out there, folks.