That quote about "Skinny Love" from Bon Iver with him explaining the song has had me thinking about females from the past a lot. It's strange. Some of them were such a big part of me and yet I look back on all but two of them and wonder what I was doing. In the moment it was so intense. Perhaps it was the possibility or my addiction to being in lust. I know for a fact it was due in part to my upbringing, my mother.
I am a person of ideas. Some of the girls were probably right in saying it had absolutely nothing to do them. It didn't in almost all cases. It wasn't who they are, their personalities, etc. I was looking to fill something in me, looking to bandage the years of neglect and broken.
And that is why in all situations it was doomed to fail from the beginning.
I don't regret wanting the things I did, pushing for the things I need. But, there has to be something else going on there. On both ends. I mean, I've always known I needed to have my shit together and find someone who had hers together too. I was horrified of what is so very true: You will never want something good and whole without being that (or at least close to it) yourself.
Human relationships are about growing and changing at the same pace in the same direction. At least as much as possible. It is SO rare when it actually works. And it is even more rare with one, let alone two, people who are riddled with holes, who aren't together themselves.
Yes, most people aren't together. People in general are a mess. I guess that's why relationships look like those of our parents, look like the ones around us.
Skewed thinking? Probably. Expecting too much? Perhaps. Over analyzing? Definitely.
But, one thing I know is that IF I ever do it again. The 'love thing'. I WILL do it right. For the right reasons. I mean, it's a big if, but it could happen right? I could want it again maybe.
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