"Sometimes you lose everything or gave it away well it's hard to say now..."

It is just time for a break. I shut my Facebook down and my phone doesn’t really get texts anyway (no friends and all), so there you go.

When I’m bored, I go there and it is like I am finding reasons to be upset. Without fail, I always find one. Former friends and everything they have done or are still doing. Former girls and what, in my opinion, are bad choices… This is like a mass un-friending of the entire world. A cleansing, if you will.

I think because I am so loud and come off so strong people don’t think I question how I live or what I believe. I don’t think they really know that I don’t always think or know that what I am doing is the right thing. I do what I think is best for me and those I hold dear. Right or wrong that is just how it is. I am constantly thinking and analyzing and trying to do the “right” thing. Right being completely subjective, of course.

That’s all life is. A mess of different opinions and choices. And, I do something I think very few others do. I think about ALL of those possible opinions and choices. That fact is why I am the way that I am: conflicted and often unhappy.

In my family we often joke about wishing to be less intelligent or to not care as passionately about things as we do. I annoy YOU? Well, imagine what is like to have to deal with me 24/7. Only I have that luxury; I have no escape from my mind and how it works.

For the record, I am not sad. I am not being self-deprecating (today anyway). It is all just very true.

Maybe who I am isn’t conducive to friendship or romantic love. Maybe one day I will be willing to change who I am and some of those things I value so deeply. But, not now.

So, I will go away. Just be okay with being me, living in my fantasy world. Living like I want. Dreaming without consequence.  I only have my family that I am tied to anymore (literally). No people my age, no friends… Honestly, that’s probably for the best.  

Next week: beach with the family, which I am very excited for. The polls are still open on who in my family will start trouble first. My brother? My mom’s boyfriend? My sister and her husband? All I know is that I am going to sit back, watch the show, and play with my beautiful nieces.

Oh, and P.S. Guess what comes back on Monday. I will give you a hint:

(First eyesex moment of season 2. Oh, Rizzles.)

*nods*